Monday, January 26, 2015

The Haircut

"I want you to do whatever you want to do. You aren't happy very much. When you aren't happy it is hard on me. I just want you to be happy," said my dear husband in the Walmart parking lot. I was talking abut getting my haircut, but it felt like he was talking about something more.

Could this really be true? Am I an unhappy person?

I hadn't thought about how unhappy I have been. I've been carrying the load of the world on my shoulders for a while. We've had a lot of changes in the past year. 

My Beloved Grandmother died.

We moved across the country.

We left our big boy in California and I missed his senior year.

I went back to work at the nations largest retailer and have been promoted up the ladder fairly quickly.

Our younger boy was hospitalized 3 times for his mental health issues. He dropped out of school and moved out as soon as he turned 18 and found a roommate.

My daughter moved out with her boyfriend. That didn't work out. The second boyfriend she lived with didn't work out either.

Lifestyle choices make it impossible to live with either of the twins. 

Our big boy joined the Marine Corp in a time of war.

The twins decided to move in with their biological parents.

I feel a little shocked when I start listing it all out. I can't believe I have lived through all of this. Any one of these things are cause for a major mental and physical breakdown.

I forget that these things haven't just been happening to me, they've been happening to my husband too. He hasn't gone mad with the craziness of it all. He hasn't curled up in bed and cried. He hasn't complained about going to work day in and day out.

But I have.

My husband has been a rock through it all and remained positive even when everything has been negative. He's turned towards God while I have been giving God the silent treatment.

I should be following his example. This bad ass, complaining attitude of mine has been hard on my husband. Until now I hadn't realized what a toll it has taken. The man lives to make me happy. Isn't that what we all dreamed of ? 

I am reminded once again of  Philippians 2:14&15, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe"

I often go to my husband to complain about work, or the kids, or the house. He's my best friend. Isn't that what best friends are for? But maybe he's heard enough complaining.

Maybe my mom has heard enough complaining.

Maybe my friends have heard enough complaining.

Maybe my facebook status has had enough complaining.

If curbing the complaining means I'll shine like a star in the universe, I'll take it. I'd like to be my husband's star.

I did get a haircut today. I think it looks great.