"Love is not proud." I Corinthians 13:4
Pride is thought to be the root of all sin. We lie to protect our pride. We commit adultery to inflate our pride. We covet because we want to feel pride. Many of characteristics listed under "Love is not" in I Corinthians 13 stem from pride. Boasting is using pride in our words. Envy is pride in our desires. Rudeness is pride in our behaviors. The King James version translates "Love is not proud," to, "Love is not arrogant." Arrogance is pride in our attitude.
Arrogance is described in Webster's Dictionary as an "offensive display of superiority or self importance." Nothing is more unflattering than an arrogant attitude. I tend to avoid people with this "self important" attitude. Famous celebrities seem to lose their appeal when they display superiority. Arrogance can also be subtle. Most often I battle arrogance in my family when I get the "eye roll." I now live with three teen age children who have perfected it. I get it when I ask for chores to be done, or homework to be finished. As soon as I look away they do it. I HATE THE EYE ROLL!!! I realised one day where they learned it. From me! I tend to accompany my eye roll with a sigh that says, "I will, but I don't want to!"
I do not want to portray arrogance any longer. How can we battle arrogance? By displaying a Christ-like attitude of humility. Philippians 2:5-11 says, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Jesus has every reason to be prideful. He is God! When He came to earth he came to love the world as a servant. He humbled himself and lived a life of obedience that ultimately lead him to death on the cross. Even today the world does not appreciate this wonderful service. It was for love that he humbled himself. He wanted the people he loves to be spared an even greater suffering and death. If I want to battle arrogance I too must follow Christ in an attitude of humble service. Sometimes this means I will have to do humiliating things for people who don't appreciate it. I will do it with a joyful spirit keeping my eyes and my sighs under control.
When I loop my apron over my neck today, I will remember that I wear the uniform of a servant. I will remember the One who humbled Himself and gave an even greater service for me.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Armed with Love: Perseverance
I had the most sensual experience of my life recently. It was warm, sexy, filled with emotion and it happened in church. Yes, church. It was a typical Sunday morning for Larry and I. We wake up at about 8:30. Church starts at 9, so we were in a rush to get out the door. We arrive a half hour late. Shortly after we took our seats the sermon started. I reached over to hold the hand of my sweetie. Larry looked at my dry and over worked skin. He whispered, "You need lotion." Larry took some lotion out of my purse and rubbed the cream into my tired skin. It felt glorious. My hands soaked up the moisture. I watched as he massaged my hand. Our eyes met. Larry leaned over and whispered, "I'm always going to take care of you." His simple little message brought tears to my eyes. So much love in such a simple act.
Always. Always is the stuff marriages are made of. No relationship can stand the test of time without the promise of Always. On our wedding days we promise to Always be faithful, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Always.
As I read through the list of promises, one is missing. It is probably the promise that is most practical for married life. "I promise to always persevere with you through your good days and bad days."
1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love always perseveres."
This has been the year of weddings in my community. Even my little sister Elena tied the knot this summer. Watching all the young lovers excitedly make life long promises of "Always" makes me reflect with love on my own "Always." We decorated Elena's wedding with family wedding photos. I looked at photos of my own special day and remembered how happy Larry and I were. I recalled how beautiful I felt as Larry looked at me as I walked down the isle on my father's arm. We promised "Always." Perseverance is implied, but not truly understood.
The perseverance of First Corinthians 13:7 is the Greek word hypomeno. Hypomeno is a verb which means to endure, bravely and calmly: ill treatments. Perseverance bears the ill treatments of another bravely and calmly. Wow! This is a very practical characteristic of love. Perseverance puts up with another when they lash out with ugliness, when they say mean things, when they don't treat us right, when they treat us completely wrong!
I know this may be hard to believe (wink,wink), but I can be ugly sometimes. I say mean things when I'm angry. I waste time and avoid housework. I complain about other's behavior that I tolerate in myself. I overreact and treat my husband with an unkindness he does not deserve. I'm glad for love that perseveres. My sweetie perseveres with my ill treatments and shows love when I'm unlovable. That is perseverance. Showing love when others have been unlovable.
As much as I am glad for "hypomeno," it is harder to give than to receive. Perseverance comes into play in our day to day lives when our loved one's failures are just plain annoying. This is a difficult kind of love. Loving when he's late from work and doesn't call: perseverance. Standing firm with a teen who's language is abusive: perseverance. Staying calm when you come home to a dirty kitchen and a sink full of dishes: perseverance. Reminding someone to do the same chore day after day: perseverance.
Sometimes when we've had enough ill treatments we get angry and we think, "I don't deserve this! I'm done! I've had enough!" James 5: 11 reminds us of Job, "As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." If ever there was anyone who didn't deserve the ill treatment he got, it was Job. He was the best man on the planet, yet God allowed him to be tested. He lost everything, yet he "hypomeno." In the end his life was fully restored.
How do we persevere when life is getting the best of us and the ill treatments seem to much to take? Hebrews 12:2-3 gives us the answer, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Endured is the word "hypomeno" in these verses. The joy set before Christ motivated Him to keep persevering the worst treatment known to men. That Joy was the salvation of you and me. We can persevere knowing that it is making us more like Christ and through his example we can endure. Through that endurance we can have hope for the salvation of those who we love.
Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
If we persevere, it produces Godly character conforming more into the likeness of Jesus, and through that character we have a hope that will never disappoint us. Is enduring fun? No. Am I joyfully persevering the bad treatment of people who are supposed to love me? No. But God promises that by doing so He will pour out His love into our hearts and we will have a hope which does not disappoint. I need that supernatural love to pour out when I have no more love of my own to give. I can have hope that in the end, it will be worth it. I won't be disappointed that I've persevered.
Today I will tie on my apron and persevere. God's love will be poured into my heart and I will joyfully pour His love out on others.
Always. Always is the stuff marriages are made of. No relationship can stand the test of time without the promise of Always. On our wedding days we promise to Always be faithful, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Always.
As I read through the list of promises, one is missing. It is probably the promise that is most practical for married life. "I promise to always persevere with you through your good days and bad days."
1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love always perseveres."
This has been the year of weddings in my community. Even my little sister Elena tied the knot this summer. Watching all the young lovers excitedly make life long promises of "Always" makes me reflect with love on my own "Always." We decorated Elena's wedding with family wedding photos. I looked at photos of my own special day and remembered how happy Larry and I were. I recalled how beautiful I felt as Larry looked at me as I walked down the isle on my father's arm. We promised "Always." Perseverance is implied, but not truly understood.
The perseverance of First Corinthians 13:7 is the Greek word hypomeno. Hypomeno is a verb which means to endure, bravely and calmly: ill treatments. Perseverance bears the ill treatments of another bravely and calmly. Wow! This is a very practical characteristic of love. Perseverance puts up with another when they lash out with ugliness, when they say mean things, when they don't treat us right, when they treat us completely wrong!
I know this may be hard to believe (wink,wink), but I can be ugly sometimes. I say mean things when I'm angry. I waste time and avoid housework. I complain about other's behavior that I tolerate in myself. I overreact and treat my husband with an unkindness he does not deserve. I'm glad for love that perseveres. My sweetie perseveres with my ill treatments and shows love when I'm unlovable. That is perseverance. Showing love when others have been unlovable.
As much as I am glad for "hypomeno," it is harder to give than to receive. Perseverance comes into play in our day to day lives when our loved one's failures are just plain annoying. This is a difficult kind of love. Loving when he's late from work and doesn't call: perseverance. Standing firm with a teen who's language is abusive: perseverance. Staying calm when you come home to a dirty kitchen and a sink full of dishes: perseverance. Reminding someone to do the same chore day after day: perseverance.
Sometimes when we've had enough ill treatments we get angry and we think, "I don't deserve this! I'm done! I've had enough!" James 5: 11 reminds us of Job, "As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." If ever there was anyone who didn't deserve the ill treatment he got, it was Job. He was the best man on the planet, yet God allowed him to be tested. He lost everything, yet he "hypomeno." In the end his life was fully restored.
How do we persevere when life is getting the best of us and the ill treatments seem to much to take? Hebrews 12:2-3 gives us the answer, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Endured is the word "hypomeno" in these verses. The joy set before Christ motivated Him to keep persevering the worst treatment known to men. That Joy was the salvation of you and me. We can persevere knowing that it is making us more like Christ and through his example we can endure. Through that endurance we can have hope for the salvation of those who we love.
Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
If we persevere, it produces Godly character conforming more into the likeness of Jesus, and through that character we have a hope that will never disappoint us. Is enduring fun? No. Am I joyfully persevering the bad treatment of people who are supposed to love me? No. But God promises that by doing so He will pour out His love into our hearts and we will have a hope which does not disappoint. I need that supernatural love to pour out when I have no more love of my own to give. I can have hope that in the end, it will be worth it. I won't be disappointed that I've persevered.
Today I will tie on my apron and persevere. God's love will be poured into my heart and I will joyfully pour His love out on others.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Armed with Love: Trust
I Corinthians 13:7, "Love always trusts."
I am a mom of three beautiful teenagers. I am often asked if they are triplets. I like to refer to them as "triblings." Two are 15 year old fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. They have a 16 year old brother. All three are 11 months apart. (Yes, that is three children in one year!)My husband and I adopted them eleven years ago. They have kept our hands busy and our hearts full. The topic of trust often comes up with teenagers. Because we are doing our best to bring our children up in a way that is pleasing to God we do not allow our children to participate in some activities other parents would. That means we often say "no" to parties. We have strong limits on dating. We don't allow them to see movies that are inappropriate. Computer time is limited and restricted. We often hear the question, "Why don't you trust me?" None of them understand that trust has very little to do with the choices we make in their regard. Love has everything to do with it.
I Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love always trusts." This sounds scary to me. If I love someone, do I always trust them? What if they have failed me in the past? Do I keep on trusting them? Answering these questions means learning what this verse really means.
I Corinthians 13:7 is translated in the King James Version, "[Love] believeth all things." The word "believeth" is the Greek word "pisteuō." In this verse, it is used in an ethical sense. "Pisteuō" means that I can place my confidence in the goodness of another. If I trust you, it means I believe in you. I love you and I know you are going to make good decisions. I can stand with you knowing you have done your best. I've got your back and I know you've got mine. That kind of trust takes a lot of love. It doesn't happen over night, but it can grow. If trust is broken, it can be rebuilt. It takes commitment, forgiveness and time.
Next time my teenagers ask, "Why don't you trust me?" I know the answer I will give. I'll say, "My lovely, I've got your back. Sometimes that means you won't get to do what your friends are doing. I know you won't like it. The difference between me and you friends is I love you. I love you the way God does. I know God has great plans for your life. I am not going to give the enemy and opportunity to disrupt those plans. Someday you will have to make your own decisions. I have full confidence that you will make the right one. I believe in you."
I love you, kiddos!
I am a mom of three beautiful teenagers. I am often asked if they are triplets. I like to refer to them as "triblings." Two are 15 year old fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. They have a 16 year old brother. All three are 11 months apart. (Yes, that is three children in one year!)My husband and I adopted them eleven years ago. They have kept our hands busy and our hearts full. The topic of trust often comes up with teenagers. Because we are doing our best to bring our children up in a way that is pleasing to God we do not allow our children to participate in some activities other parents would. That means we often say "no" to parties. We have strong limits on dating. We don't allow them to see movies that are inappropriate. Computer time is limited and restricted. We often hear the question, "Why don't you trust me?" None of them understand that trust has very little to do with the choices we make in their regard. Love has everything to do with it.
I Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love always trusts." This sounds scary to me. If I love someone, do I always trust them? What if they have failed me in the past? Do I keep on trusting them? Answering these questions means learning what this verse really means.
I Corinthians 13:7 is translated in the King James Version, "[Love] believeth all things." The word "believeth" is the Greek word "pisteuō." In this verse, it is used in an ethical sense. "Pisteuō" means that I can place my confidence in the goodness of another. If I trust you, it means I believe in you. I love you and I know you are going to make good decisions. I can stand with you knowing you have done your best. I've got your back and I know you've got mine. That kind of trust takes a lot of love. It doesn't happen over night, but it can grow. If trust is broken, it can be rebuilt. It takes commitment, forgiveness and time.
Next time my teenagers ask, "Why don't you trust me?" I know the answer I will give. I'll say, "My lovely, I've got your back. Sometimes that means you won't get to do what your friends are doing. I know you won't like it. The difference between me and you friends is I love you. I love you the way God does. I know God has great plans for your life. I am not going to give the enemy and opportunity to disrupt those plans. Someday you will have to make your own decisions. I have full confidence that you will make the right one. I believe in you."
I love you, kiddos!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Armed With Love: Protection
1 Corinthians 13:7, "[Love] always protects"
I am sitting here today, in my pajamas, thinking about everything I've been through over the last year. God sure has taken me for a wild ride. Today I am not thinking about how I have loved, but how others have loved me. This year I have battled through a struggle with mental illness. Five years ago I lost nearly 100 pounds. I felt healthier and looked better than I ever had before. One of the side effects of the weight loss was major hormone changes which effected my mental health. My emotions began to be unstable. Day to day I was not sure of how I was going to feel. For a long time, it was only my family who knew what I was going through. They just kept putting up with me, walking on egg shells. When my emotional out bursts became public, they continued to stand by me and cover me with their love. Everything came to a peak when I suffered an emotional breakdown. My sadness and anxiety immobilized me. My husband rushed home from work. My mother, out of frustration, screamed at me over the phone that I needed to get help. My family had become exhausted by my unpredictability. My emotions had taken the driver's seat of my life and were driving me into a canyon, "Thelma and Louise" style. Fortunately, my husband was able to make the phone calls I couldn't. I was able to get the medical and mental help I needed. I feel as though I have disarmed the enemy. My emotions can not longer be used as a weapon against me.
My family truly lived 1 Corinthians 13:7 which says, "[Love] always protects." The King James translation says, "[Love] bears all things." The word "bears" is the Greek word "stego" which is defined by Thayer's Lexicon as "to cover with silence; to keep secret; to hide or conceal the errors or faults of others." True love is like a blanket which covers the faults of those we love. It reminds me of being a little child and having a blanket spread out over me at night. Comfort and security covered over me as I lay in my soft bed. My mother would then pray a good night blessing over me. When we love with "stego" we provide the people we love with the comfort and security of knowing that whatever faults they have, whatever errors they might make, our love has got them covered. That security supported me through a very difficult time. It taught me who I can depend on. I know who's got my back.
I want to return the love my family has given me. I want to give them the security to know that when they make mistakes, my love will keep them covered. When they go through times that seem out of control, I've got their back. I want to live by the command of 1 Peter 4:8, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
Thank you, family, for covering me with such great love.
I am sitting here today, in my pajamas, thinking about everything I've been through over the last year. God sure has taken me for a wild ride. Today I am not thinking about how I have loved, but how others have loved me. This year I have battled through a struggle with mental illness. Five years ago I lost nearly 100 pounds. I felt healthier and looked better than I ever had before. One of the side effects of the weight loss was major hormone changes which effected my mental health. My emotions began to be unstable. Day to day I was not sure of how I was going to feel. For a long time, it was only my family who knew what I was going through. They just kept putting up with me, walking on egg shells. When my emotional out bursts became public, they continued to stand by me and cover me with their love. Everything came to a peak when I suffered an emotional breakdown. My sadness and anxiety immobilized me. My husband rushed home from work. My mother, out of frustration, screamed at me over the phone that I needed to get help. My family had become exhausted by my unpredictability. My emotions had taken the driver's seat of my life and were driving me into a canyon, "Thelma and Louise" style. Fortunately, my husband was able to make the phone calls I couldn't. I was able to get the medical and mental help I needed. I feel as though I have disarmed the enemy. My emotions can not longer be used as a weapon against me.
My family truly lived 1 Corinthians 13:7 which says, "[Love] always protects." The King James translation says, "[Love] bears all things." The word "bears" is the Greek word "stego" which is defined by Thayer's Lexicon as "to cover with silence; to keep secret; to hide or conceal the errors or faults of others." True love is like a blanket which covers the faults of those we love. It reminds me of being a little child and having a blanket spread out over me at night. Comfort and security covered over me as I lay in my soft bed. My mother would then pray a good night blessing over me. When we love with "stego" we provide the people we love with the comfort and security of knowing that whatever faults they have, whatever errors they might make, our love has got them covered. That security supported me through a very difficult time. It taught me who I can depend on. I know who's got my back.
I want to return the love my family has given me. I want to give them the security to know that when they make mistakes, my love will keep them covered. When they go through times that seem out of control, I've got their back. I want to live by the command of 1 Peter 4:8, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
Thank you, family, for covering me with such great love.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Armed with Love: Honesty
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." 1 Corinthians 13:6
I'm about to be honest with you. Our family, like any family, has struggles. Some of our struggles are unique because our family was built by adoption. All of us long to be accepted by one another. We want to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated. We want the security of a loving family. Our fears of rejection hurt us at times. Those fears make us lie to each other about who we really are and what we really want. Those fears make us run away from each other, even when we are standing in the same room together. We act and pretend to gain acceptance. I love my family. I don't want to pretend to be okay when I'm not. I don't want them to act like someone they aren't because they are afraid I won't love them for who they are.
The first part of the verse says, "Love does not delight in evil." As I studied the lexicons I discovered a better translation of this verse would be, "Love does not rejoice exceedingly the unrighteousness of heart and life." To me this verse talks about delighting in the lies we tell in our hearts and lives. We shouldn't be happy when we get our own way, knowing it makes our spouse uncomfortable. We shouldn't be glad when our kids make a choice we want them to even though it makes them unhappy. Living this way is living a lie. Our family has learned in therapy that we all bring a "fake" self to situations in order to find acceptance. If we always bring our fake self, we won't be loved for our real selves.
The second part of this verse says, "[love] rejoices with the truth." The Blue Letter Bible helped me understand that this means that we rejoice with or take part in another's joy in what is true in any matter under consideration. When we rejoice with the truth we celebrate when those we love bring their authentic selves into the relationship. We embrace the truth when they show who they truly are. For me it means accepting my children's likes and dislikes even when they are different then mine. It means listening and understanding my husband's needs even when they are not convenient to me. I want to be intimate with my family. I want to know them. I want to love them for who they really are. I will rejoice in the truth of who God made them uniquely to be.
Don't settle for "fake" relationships. Find out what is real about the family you live with and rejoice in it.
I'm about to be honest with you. Our family, like any family, has struggles. Some of our struggles are unique because our family was built by adoption. All of us long to be accepted by one another. We want to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated. We want the security of a loving family. Our fears of rejection hurt us at times. Those fears make us lie to each other about who we really are and what we really want. Those fears make us run away from each other, even when we are standing in the same room together. We act and pretend to gain acceptance. I love my family. I don't want to pretend to be okay when I'm not. I don't want them to act like someone they aren't because they are afraid I won't love them for who they are.
The first part of the verse says, "Love does not delight in evil." As I studied the lexicons I discovered a better translation of this verse would be, "Love does not rejoice exceedingly the unrighteousness of heart and life." To me this verse talks about delighting in the lies we tell in our hearts and lives. We shouldn't be happy when we get our own way, knowing it makes our spouse uncomfortable. We shouldn't be glad when our kids make a choice we want them to even though it makes them unhappy. Living this way is living a lie. Our family has learned in therapy that we all bring a "fake" self to situations in order to find acceptance. If we always bring our fake self, we won't be loved for our real selves.
The second part of this verse says, "[love] rejoices with the truth." The Blue Letter Bible helped me understand that this means that we rejoice with or take part in another's joy in what is true in any matter under consideration. When we rejoice with the truth we celebrate when those we love bring their authentic selves into the relationship. We embrace the truth when they show who they truly are. For me it means accepting my children's likes and dislikes even when they are different then mine. It means listening and understanding my husband's needs even when they are not convenient to me. I want to be intimate with my family. I want to know them. I want to love them for who they really are. I will rejoice in the truth of who God made them uniquely to be.
Don't settle for "fake" relationships. Find out what is real about the family you live with and rejoice in it.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Armed with Love: Forgiveness
"(Love) keeps no record of wrongs" 1 Corinthians 14:5
After our morning workout, my mom and I headed to the supermarket. When we came out of the store we notice a young man wondering around the parking lot. He was very young, about 18. He was covered with tattoos and dirt. He looked as though he had been sleeping with the pigs. He started to approach our car. When I began to back out he turned away. I started to feel compassion for the young man. I knew what my mom's reaction to him was. My mom has a heart for the homeless. She can't pass a homeless person on the street without giving them money. "Did he need something?" I asked my mom. She emptied her coin purse into her hand. "Pull around," she said, "If it was my son I would want someone to give him money no matter what he'd done to get himself on the street." The young man had sat himself down on a curb under a tree to escape the heat. I rolled the window down as I pulled up. "Did you need something?" I asked. The young man started to explain, "I'm having a really bad day. I was going to ask you if I could wash your windows for a couple of dollars." I reached my hand out the window. "Here you go," I said as I poured the change into his filthy hands. "Do you want my to wash your windows?" the young man asked. "No," I replied, "Do you know why I'm giving you this? Because God cares about you." The young mans face lit up and he smiled. As I drove away I thought about all the things I wish I'd said to him. I wish I'd asked him what his story was. I wish I had taken just a few more seconds to tell him about Jesus. I wish I had told him to call his parents, tell them he was sorry, and ask if he could come home. I wish I'd told him his parents would forgive him. That is what I would want someone to tell my prodigal son.
First Corinthians 13:5 says, "(Love) keeps no records of wrongs." This verse literally means that when we love, we don't keep an account of the bad things done to us. We don't make tally marks in our hearts every time we are hurt or offended. If we do we become hard hearted and resentful towards the people we love. We are bound to offend each other on a daily basis. The key to a happy marriage and family is being quick to forgive and graceful enough to not hold the offence against them.
How much offence are we supposed to take? When have we forgiven enough? Jesus says that we can never forgive enough. In Mathew 18:21-35, Peter asked Jesus this question. Peter wanted to know how much forgiveness was enough. He asked him if seven times was enough. Verse 22 gives Jesus' answer, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Jesus did not mean that we could stop forgiving on the seventy-seventh time, but we should never stop forgiving. Jesus goes on to illustrate this in a parable explaining that we should forgive because we have been forgiven.
I also think about the Prodigal Son when I think about forgiveness (Luke 15:11-32). The most hurtful sin I can imagine is being abandoned by my loved ones. How can a spouse walk away from their partner? How can a child turn their back on their parent? Yet,I am amazed by the Father's response to the son when he returns. The Father welcomes the son back AND throws him a party. I think I would be happy to have my son back, but I don't think I would throw him a party! I would want my son to pay for the mistakes he made. That is the difference between my love, and God's love. My human love has limits, but God's love is limitless. If I want to love the way God wants me to love I have to have limitless forgiveness. The only way I can have limitless forgiveness is to love others through God's limitless love. I must ask Him to give me that love for my family every day. Lord, let me love with your limitless love. Let me forgive with your limitless forgiveness.
After our morning workout, my mom and I headed to the supermarket. When we came out of the store we notice a young man wondering around the parking lot. He was very young, about 18. He was covered with tattoos and dirt. He looked as though he had been sleeping with the pigs. He started to approach our car. When I began to back out he turned away. I started to feel compassion for the young man. I knew what my mom's reaction to him was. My mom has a heart for the homeless. She can't pass a homeless person on the street without giving them money. "Did he need something?" I asked my mom. She emptied her coin purse into her hand. "Pull around," she said, "If it was my son I would want someone to give him money no matter what he'd done to get himself on the street." The young man had sat himself down on a curb under a tree to escape the heat. I rolled the window down as I pulled up. "Did you need something?" I asked. The young man started to explain, "I'm having a really bad day. I was going to ask you if I could wash your windows for a couple of dollars." I reached my hand out the window. "Here you go," I said as I poured the change into his filthy hands. "Do you want my to wash your windows?" the young man asked. "No," I replied, "Do you know why I'm giving you this? Because God cares about you." The young mans face lit up and he smiled. As I drove away I thought about all the things I wish I'd said to him. I wish I'd asked him what his story was. I wish I had taken just a few more seconds to tell him about Jesus. I wish I had told him to call his parents, tell them he was sorry, and ask if he could come home. I wish I'd told him his parents would forgive him. That is what I would want someone to tell my prodigal son.
First Corinthians 13:5 says, "(Love) keeps no records of wrongs." This verse literally means that when we love, we don't keep an account of the bad things done to us. We don't make tally marks in our hearts every time we are hurt or offended. If we do we become hard hearted and resentful towards the people we love. We are bound to offend each other on a daily basis. The key to a happy marriage and family is being quick to forgive and graceful enough to not hold the offence against them.
How much offence are we supposed to take? When have we forgiven enough? Jesus says that we can never forgive enough. In Mathew 18:21-35, Peter asked Jesus this question. Peter wanted to know how much forgiveness was enough. He asked him if seven times was enough. Verse 22 gives Jesus' answer, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Jesus did not mean that we could stop forgiving on the seventy-seventh time, but we should never stop forgiving. Jesus goes on to illustrate this in a parable explaining that we should forgive because we have been forgiven.
I also think about the Prodigal Son when I think about forgiveness (Luke 15:11-32). The most hurtful sin I can imagine is being abandoned by my loved ones. How can a spouse walk away from their partner? How can a child turn their back on their parent? Yet,I am amazed by the Father's response to the son when he returns. The Father welcomes the son back AND throws him a party. I think I would be happy to have my son back, but I don't think I would throw him a party! I would want my son to pay for the mistakes he made. That is the difference between my love, and God's love. My human love has limits, but God's love is limitless. If I want to love the way God wants me to love I have to have limitless forgiveness. The only way I can have limitless forgiveness is to love others through God's limitless love. I must ask Him to give me that love for my family every day. Lord, let me love with your limitless love. Let me forgive with your limitless forgiveness.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Armed with Love: Anger
"Love is not easily angered," I Corinthians 13:5.
Anger is an emotion that is hard to control. Yet God's word teaches us that anger needs to be under our control.Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." My friend Teresa told our Bible study group about a recent experience she had at a local department store that tested her ability to keep herself under control. Teresa received a excellent coupon from a local department store. She knew a shopping trip was in order. After selecting her items she proceeded to the check out line. She was surprised to find no one in line and proceeded to the register. As she was checking out two women arrived in line behind her and began making bad comments about Teresa accusing her of cutting in line. Teresa began to feel her face get red and her emotions rise. She noticed an open register. Teresa turned to the women and said, "I didn't cut in line, but there is an open register right over there." As they proceed to the register the Drama Queens continued to complain loudly about Teresa. She wanted to give the women a few choice words of her own, but she kept herself under control. When the cashier finished ringing up the items Teresa handed her the coupon. The cashier scanned the coupon and gave it back to her saying, "You should hang on to this coupon. It is good for a few more days." Almost without thinking about it Teresa turned and handed the loud-mouthed, complaining women her amazing coupon. Dumbfounded, one of them responded,"Thank you." When Teresa settled in the seat of her car she thanked God for allowing her to keep her cool. She knew it was only by God's help she did not become a Drama Queen.
Drama Queens. We all know one, live with one, maybe we are one. Drama Queens are not easy to live with. They make mountains out of mole hills. They make little problems into big problems. They turn small disagreements into major fights. They seem to enjoy the craziness that swallows up their lives. Drama Queens do not have control of their emotions. When a wife or mom is a Drama Queen, it makes for a home built on very shaky ground. Her family is never sure where they stand. They are always afraid of the next eruption of emotion. Sometimes her family finds it difficult to be honest because they know what the reaction will be. They hide things for fear of causing chaos to storm. I do not want to be a Drama Queen. I want peace to reign in my home. I must maintain control of my emotions.
I Corinthians 13 says that when we love those around us we are not easily angered. This verse does not make anger a sin. In fact, God has been known to be angry at times. Even Jesus was angry in the temple when it was being misused as a market place. Anger is not wrong. Not being in control of one's anger is. Drama Queens do not control their anger. In fact, they use their anger as a weapon against the people they claim to love. When we are quick to become angry we are putting ourselves and our feelings above those around us. James 1:19-20 gives us some insight on how we should be. It says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." This verse says we should listen first, speak second, and take our time becoming angry. By being a good listener we can show love to the speaker. If we listen first it gives us an opportunity to understand and sympathize with the speaker. Then we can make a more reasonable response. It doesn't always mean I won't be angry, but it does mean I will be pursuing a righteous life.
I don't want to be a Drama Queen. I want my family to feel free to share their joys and sorrows knowing I will listen without jumping into a volcano of emotions. By listening I will love them better.
Anger is an emotion that is hard to control. Yet God's word teaches us that anger needs to be under our control.Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." My friend Teresa told our Bible study group about a recent experience she had at a local department store that tested her ability to keep herself under control. Teresa received a excellent coupon from a local department store. She knew a shopping trip was in order. After selecting her items she proceeded to the check out line. She was surprised to find no one in line and proceeded to the register. As she was checking out two women arrived in line behind her and began making bad comments about Teresa accusing her of cutting in line. Teresa began to feel her face get red and her emotions rise. She noticed an open register. Teresa turned to the women and said, "I didn't cut in line, but there is an open register right over there." As they proceed to the register the Drama Queens continued to complain loudly about Teresa. She wanted to give the women a few choice words of her own, but she kept herself under control. When the cashier finished ringing up the items Teresa handed her the coupon. The cashier scanned the coupon and gave it back to her saying, "You should hang on to this coupon. It is good for a few more days." Almost without thinking about it Teresa turned and handed the loud-mouthed, complaining women her amazing coupon. Dumbfounded, one of them responded,"Thank you." When Teresa settled in the seat of her car she thanked God for allowing her to keep her cool. She knew it was only by God's help she did not become a Drama Queen.
Drama Queens. We all know one, live with one, maybe we are one. Drama Queens are not easy to live with. They make mountains out of mole hills. They make little problems into big problems. They turn small disagreements into major fights. They seem to enjoy the craziness that swallows up their lives. Drama Queens do not have control of their emotions. When a wife or mom is a Drama Queen, it makes for a home built on very shaky ground. Her family is never sure where they stand. They are always afraid of the next eruption of emotion. Sometimes her family finds it difficult to be honest because they know what the reaction will be. They hide things for fear of causing chaos to storm. I do not want to be a Drama Queen. I want peace to reign in my home. I must maintain control of my emotions.
I Corinthians 13 says that when we love those around us we are not easily angered. This verse does not make anger a sin. In fact, God has been known to be angry at times. Even Jesus was angry in the temple when it was being misused as a market place. Anger is not wrong. Not being in control of one's anger is. Drama Queens do not control their anger. In fact, they use their anger as a weapon against the people they claim to love. When we are quick to become angry we are putting ourselves and our feelings above those around us. James 1:19-20 gives us some insight on how we should be. It says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." This verse says we should listen first, speak second, and take our time becoming angry. By being a good listener we can show love to the speaker. If we listen first it gives us an opportunity to understand and sympathize with the speaker. Then we can make a more reasonable response. It doesn't always mean I won't be angry, but it does mean I will be pursuing a righteous life.
I don't want to be a Drama Queen. I want my family to feel free to share their joys and sorrows knowing I will listen without jumping into a volcano of emotions. By listening I will love them better.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Armed with Love: Self Seeking
"Love is not self-seeking," I Corinthians 13:5
Before my children arrived, I was a very busy part-time Children's Minister at a Southern California mega church. Anyone who has ever worked in ministry knows that there is no such thing as a part-time minister. My husband also worked part-time in the same ministry. We lived and breathed for the weekend when we were serving at our church. It was a fun and exciting job. It was truly one of the best times of my life. I enjoyed it for a number of reasons. I enjoyed working with the kids. Children can make you feel important. I put on comical productions. There is nothing like an audience laughing and enjoying my work. I liked the way it felt to have my peers and bosses tell me, "Well done." I constantly wanted to out do my last production. After a while I had begun preforming the job for very selfish reasons. Ministering became less about serving the Lord and more about serving me.
During the height of this we adopted our three children. They got sucked into the tornado that was our lives. We spent the entire weekend at church. They noticed the extra attention I got. They asked me, "Mommy, are we famous?" My answer was, "Yes, of course we are!"
Although I loved my job at church, I was very overwhelmed with my new responsibilities at home. I wanted nothing more to become a mother, but mothering was much more difficult then I had anticipated. I struggled to find a way to put myself and my children first. I felt like a plate spinner in the circus. I was constantly trying to keep all the plates spinning at once.
One weekend a mentor I respected called me into her office. She had noticed that my kids were in child care every service, every weekend. It was taking a toll on them. They had begun acting out in the class and being disruptive to the teacher. She told me that I could not continue having them spend so much time at church. At first I was very angry. I thought, "How dare she suggest such a thing? Doesn't she know that I can't continue working at church if they aren't in child care? Doesn't she know that the children's ministry can't function without me?" I was so prideful and arrogant. I left the meeting very angry and frustrated. I had a good cry about it, and the Lord started speaking to my heart. I had to put the needs of my children ahead the job I loved. My friend was right. I returned to her office in tears. She listened as I told her how overwhelmed I felt. I had to make some changes. Over time I gave up more and more responsibilities. God began braking me of my prideful attitude and renewed a desire to serve Him above all others, including myself.
"Self-seeking" in I Corinthians 13:5 does not require a complicated explanation. It simply means seeking after yourself. The Message Bible says, "(Love) Isn't always 'me first.'" Being self-seeking is looking out for "number 1." I was not loving my children when I put my self ahead of their needs.
Don't get me wrong, I do not think life needs to revolve around the kids. This can produce very self-centered kids. However, life doesn't need to revolve around me either. It does need to revolve around God. I have to measure my choices against what God would have me do. I trust that He will keep our family in balance. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." This is a pretty tall order. I can't do anything out of selfish ambition. The decisions I make must not be based on my own selfish desires, but on what will benefit those in the world around me. Sometimes it does benefit my children to take a "mommy time out." Taking some time for me can refresh me and make me a better mom. Balance requires me to take my eyes off me and put them on God.
Lets tie our aprons tightly, girls. This battle requires selflessness.
Before my children arrived, I was a very busy part-time Children's Minister at a Southern California mega church. Anyone who has ever worked in ministry knows that there is no such thing as a part-time minister. My husband also worked part-time in the same ministry. We lived and breathed for the weekend when we were serving at our church. It was a fun and exciting job. It was truly one of the best times of my life. I enjoyed it for a number of reasons. I enjoyed working with the kids. Children can make you feel important. I put on comical productions. There is nothing like an audience laughing and enjoying my work. I liked the way it felt to have my peers and bosses tell me, "Well done." I constantly wanted to out do my last production. After a while I had begun preforming the job for very selfish reasons. Ministering became less about serving the Lord and more about serving me.
During the height of this we adopted our three children. They got sucked into the tornado that was our lives. We spent the entire weekend at church. They noticed the extra attention I got. They asked me, "Mommy, are we famous?" My answer was, "Yes, of course we are!"
Although I loved my job at church, I was very overwhelmed with my new responsibilities at home. I wanted nothing more to become a mother, but mothering was much more difficult then I had anticipated. I struggled to find a way to put myself and my children first. I felt like a plate spinner in the circus. I was constantly trying to keep all the plates spinning at once.
One weekend a mentor I respected called me into her office. She had noticed that my kids were in child care every service, every weekend. It was taking a toll on them. They had begun acting out in the class and being disruptive to the teacher. She told me that I could not continue having them spend so much time at church. At first I was very angry. I thought, "How dare she suggest such a thing? Doesn't she know that I can't continue working at church if they aren't in child care? Doesn't she know that the children's ministry can't function without me?" I was so prideful and arrogant. I left the meeting very angry and frustrated. I had a good cry about it, and the Lord started speaking to my heart. I had to put the needs of my children ahead the job I loved. My friend was right. I returned to her office in tears. She listened as I told her how overwhelmed I felt. I had to make some changes. Over time I gave up more and more responsibilities. God began braking me of my prideful attitude and renewed a desire to serve Him above all others, including myself.
"Self-seeking" in I Corinthians 13:5 does not require a complicated explanation. It simply means seeking after yourself. The Message Bible says, "(Love) Isn't always 'me first.'" Being self-seeking is looking out for "number 1." I was not loving my children when I put my self ahead of their needs.
Don't get me wrong, I do not think life needs to revolve around the kids. This can produce very self-centered kids. However, life doesn't need to revolve around me either. It does need to revolve around God. I have to measure my choices against what God would have me do. I trust that He will keep our family in balance. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." This is a pretty tall order. I can't do anything out of selfish ambition. The decisions I make must not be based on my own selfish desires, but on what will benefit those in the world around me. Sometimes it does benefit my children to take a "mommy time out." Taking some time for me can refresh me and make me a better mom. Balance requires me to take my eyes off me and put them on God.
Lets tie our aprons tightly, girls. This battle requires selflessness.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Armed with Love: Boasting
"Love does not boast" I Corinthians 13:4
"I told you so," was on the tip of my tongue. I knew the best way to handle this problem, and of course, I was right. "If you had just done it my way we wouldn't be in this mess," I wanted to declare. As I looked at the down cast look on my husbands face, I knew I couldn't say that. He needed my support, not my judgement.
We learn in I Corinthians 13:4 that love does not boast. The King James Version uses the words, "vault ones self." When I was a girl I loved to watch gymnastics on T.V. At the Summer Olympics in 1984, Mary Lou Retton scored perfect 10 on the vault. It earned her the gold medal. I could imagine the feeling of running at full speed toward the horse, springing into the air, twisting, turning, and sticking the perfect landing. I was inspired to take gymnastics class after watching her amazing performance that summer. My experience was not so graceful. I was too chicken and weak to succeed at it.
We often use our words as a spring board to lift ourselves up higher than is naturally possible. We say things to give ourselves a boost, to make ourselves look better than we really are. Thayer's Lexicon describes this form of boasting as, "a self display, employing rhetorical embellishments in extolling one's self excessively." Boasting is putting myself on a pedestal for all to see. While I stand up there I will give myself complements that need no response other then your gracious applause. We have very sneaky ways of doing this. We might say, "If I wasn't here you would all starve," or "If I want it done right I guess I'll have to do it myself." My personal favorite is, "I wish you would have listened to me. This never would have happened." The fact is none of these statements are true, but I say them to make myself look better and my loved ones feel worse.
Romans 12:3 says, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." This verse says we should judge ourselves honestly, not putting ourselves higher than those around us. My opinions and methods are not better than my husband's, they are just different. I am guilty of making mistakes also. Only God knows the outcome of our situations.
Philippians 2:3-4 takes this to the next level, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." I should humbly consider the things I say. My feelings are not the only feelings that matter. If I follow Philippians 2:3, I will consider other people better than myself and put their interests before mine. This is being a servant leader in my home. I would like to see my kids model this in their own lives, so I must display it in mine.
There is a time when scripture says it is okay to boast. Jeremiah 9:23-23 says, "This is what the Lord says: 'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the Lord." When my husband is going through a difficult time I want to boast, "Thank God! We have Him on our side. He can take care of us." I want to say, "We serve a God who is always kind," when my kids make mistakes. I want to keep my finger pointed heavenward to the God who sees us(Gen. 16:13) because His love never fails.
"I told you so," was on the tip of my tongue. I knew the best way to handle this problem, and of course, I was right. "If you had just done it my way we wouldn't be in this mess," I wanted to declare. As I looked at the down cast look on my husbands face, I knew I couldn't say that. He needed my support, not my judgement.
We learn in I Corinthians 13:4 that love does not boast. The King James Version uses the words, "vault ones self." When I was a girl I loved to watch gymnastics on T.V. At the Summer Olympics in 1984, Mary Lou Retton scored perfect 10 on the vault. It earned her the gold medal. I could imagine the feeling of running at full speed toward the horse, springing into the air, twisting, turning, and sticking the perfect landing. I was inspired to take gymnastics class after watching her amazing performance that summer. My experience was not so graceful. I was too chicken and weak to succeed at it.
We often use our words as a spring board to lift ourselves up higher than is naturally possible. We say things to give ourselves a boost, to make ourselves look better than we really are. Thayer's Lexicon describes this form of boasting as, "a self display, employing rhetorical embellishments in extolling one's self excessively." Boasting is putting myself on a pedestal for all to see. While I stand up there I will give myself complements that need no response other then your gracious applause. We have very sneaky ways of doing this. We might say, "If I wasn't here you would all starve," or "If I want it done right I guess I'll have to do it myself." My personal favorite is, "I wish you would have listened to me. This never would have happened." The fact is none of these statements are true, but I say them to make myself look better and my loved ones feel worse.
Romans 12:3 says, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." This verse says we should judge ourselves honestly, not putting ourselves higher than those around us. My opinions and methods are not better than my husband's, they are just different. I am guilty of making mistakes also. Only God knows the outcome of our situations.
Philippians 2:3-4 takes this to the next level, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." I should humbly consider the things I say. My feelings are not the only feelings that matter. If I follow Philippians 2:3, I will consider other people better than myself and put their interests before mine. This is being a servant leader in my home. I would like to see my kids model this in their own lives, so I must display it in mine.
There is a time when scripture says it is okay to boast. Jeremiah 9:23-23 says, "This is what the Lord says: 'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,' declares the Lord." When my husband is going through a difficult time I want to boast, "Thank God! We have Him on our side. He can take care of us." I want to say, "We serve a God who is always kind," when my kids make mistakes. I want to keep my finger pointed heavenward to the God who sees us(Gen. 16:13) because His love never fails.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Armed with Love: Envy
"Love does not envy." I Corinthians 13:4
When I think of envy, I think of wanting something someone else has. I can't easily relate this to my spouse. After all, what's his is mine and what's mine is his. How could I envy him? In some translations of the Bible it says, "Love is not jealous." I think with both these words something is lost in the translation. I have been a little confused regarding envy. I've done some research that has helped me understand why love does not envy.
The word envy used in this verse is the word "zēloō." Blue Letter Bible defines zēloō as "to burn with zeal." Webster's dictionary defines zeal as, "fervor for a person, cause or object;eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor." Don't you hate it when you look something up in the dictionary and then have to look up another word in the definition to figure out what that means? Me too. Fervor is defined as, "great warmth or eagerness of feeling; passion; intense heat." Zeal means passion for a person, cause or object. This makes me scratch my head a little. I'm not supposed to have passion for my spouse? I thought passion was a good thing? Zeal can be used in a good or bad way. We are encouraged to pursue service for the Lord with zeal. Romans 12:11 says,"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." God operates in zeal all throughout the book of Isaiah which says,"The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."(Isaiah 9:7,37:32) Jesus was overcome with zeal when he cleared the temple of the money changers(John 2: 17). In all of these cases they have one thing in common. There passion was so great it expressed itself with a some heat, even anger.
The second definition of envy in the Blue Letter Bible is, "to boil with envy, hatred, anger." This is the kind of passion that is so strong it burns within you, even causing hatred or anger. To zealously pursue someone is to desire someone so greatly it consumes you. You want to possess the person. For me envy boils down to one thing: control. I start to feel this kind of burning when I feel as if I've lost control. I get angry when things don't go my way. I want my husband to want to spend his time with me. When he chooses to spend time doing something else, like play video games, I get angry. (Okay, God, I see how lame this sounds right now.)
Why am I like this? I think it comes down to the very beginning. We can look to our mother, Eve. After Eve sinned in the garden she received some very hard consequences. Painful childbirth was one of them. The other one is this, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.(Gen.3:16)" My desires, passion, even, dare is say, zeal are for my husband because of the fall. However, he is in charge of his own feelings and behaviors. I can't control him no matter how hard I try. Why would I want to? I relate this to God. He could have created us only to love Him because He is all powerful and can do whatever He wants. We could have been robot drones to love and worship him. If he forced us to love Him would that really be love? No. He created us with free will because love can only be given freely. I want my husband to also be free to love me. I don't want him to love me out of obligation, or because I have expectations I want him to meet. I want us to share a mutual affection that is only made better and stronger together. So I'm going to quit nagging him to get off the computer. I'll quit complaining when he's late home from work and forgets to call. I'll love him freely and release him to love me freely as well. Next time you start to feel that passion burn within your belly because your expectations have not been met, remember "love does not envy." These battles are best won with aprons on!
When I think of envy, I think of wanting something someone else has. I can't easily relate this to my spouse. After all, what's his is mine and what's mine is his. How could I envy him? In some translations of the Bible it says, "Love is not jealous." I think with both these words something is lost in the translation. I have been a little confused regarding envy. I've done some research that has helped me understand why love does not envy.
The word envy used in this verse is the word "zēloō." Blue Letter Bible defines zēloō as "to burn with zeal." Webster's dictionary defines zeal as, "fervor for a person, cause or object;eager desire or endeavor; enthusiastic diligence; ardor." Don't you hate it when you look something up in the dictionary and then have to look up another word in the definition to figure out what that means? Me too. Fervor is defined as, "great warmth or eagerness of feeling; passion; intense heat." Zeal means passion for a person, cause or object. This makes me scratch my head a little. I'm not supposed to have passion for my spouse? I thought passion was a good thing? Zeal can be used in a good or bad way. We are encouraged to pursue service for the Lord with zeal. Romans 12:11 says,"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." God operates in zeal all throughout the book of Isaiah which says,"The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this."(Isaiah 9:7,37:32) Jesus was overcome with zeal when he cleared the temple of the money changers(John 2: 17). In all of these cases they have one thing in common. There passion was so great it expressed itself with a some heat, even anger.
The second definition of envy in the Blue Letter Bible is, "to boil with envy, hatred, anger." This is the kind of passion that is so strong it burns within you, even causing hatred or anger. To zealously pursue someone is to desire someone so greatly it consumes you. You want to possess the person. For me envy boils down to one thing: control. I start to feel this kind of burning when I feel as if I've lost control. I get angry when things don't go my way. I want my husband to want to spend his time with me. When he chooses to spend time doing something else, like play video games, I get angry. (Okay, God, I see how lame this sounds right now.)
Why am I like this? I think it comes down to the very beginning. We can look to our mother, Eve. After Eve sinned in the garden she received some very hard consequences. Painful childbirth was one of them. The other one is this, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.(Gen.3:16)" My desires, passion, even, dare is say, zeal are for my husband because of the fall. However, he is in charge of his own feelings and behaviors. I can't control him no matter how hard I try. Why would I want to? I relate this to God. He could have created us only to love Him because He is all powerful and can do whatever He wants. We could have been robot drones to love and worship him. If he forced us to love Him would that really be love? No. He created us with free will because love can only be given freely. I want my husband to also be free to love me. I don't want him to love me out of obligation, or because I have expectations I want him to meet. I want us to share a mutual affection that is only made better and stronger together. So I'm going to quit nagging him to get off the computer. I'll quit complaining when he's late home from work and forgets to call. I'll love him freely and release him to love me freely as well. Next time you start to feel that passion burn within your belly because your expectations have not been met, remember "love does not envy." These battles are best won with aprons on!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Armed with Love: Kindness
Love is kind. When I think of being kind I think of being nice. I want my teenage children to be nice to each other. Many hundreds of times have I said, "Treat people how you want to be treated." I want to be treated well, so I will treat other people with the same respect. The problem comes when someone treats us badly, then we want to treat them worse. After all, they must want to be treated bad. They have acted badly towards me.
Kindness goes far deeper then just being nice. Kindness is described by Richard Trench as being,"the expression of a beautiful grace." Kindness is the action of grace. Grace is something you can't earn and you don't deserve. Giving some one a gift is kind because we give it out of love, not because they deserve to receive it. Kindness isn't treating people how you want to be treated, it's treating people better than they deserve.
Kindness is attractive. We were attracted to God because of his kindness. Jeremiah 31:3 says, "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.'" We want to be in relationship with God because of his kindness. He treats us better than we deserve. The reward for our sin should be death, but instead God gives us eternal life through Jesus (Romans 6:23).
We probably worked very hard to attract our current spouse by being kind to them. When we were first dating, Larry would bring me a little gift every day. It wasn't an expensive gift. Sometimes the gift wouldn't cost him anything, but he still wanted to show me kindness and give me a treat. To me those little gifts were priceless. He still does this. He'll bring me a soda when I really need one, or a little piece of chocolate out of the candy dishes on his customer's desks. I still appreciate it and feel loved. This kindness shows me he was thinking about me through out his day.
I also showed him an extra amount of kindness when we were first dating. The first day Larry came over to a family gathering he got a terrible bloody nose. All the woman in our family rushed to take care of him. I sat by his side and cared for him until the bleeding stopped (which took a while). He knew he wanted to be a part of such a kind family. Not long after that I went to his house when he was sick to take care of him. I enjoyed nursing him back to health. What? Now I run from the room and shut the door when he's sick. I used to baby him, now I want him to man up. This is not kindness. I want to treat him with an extra level of grace, not just when he is sick, but also when he is well. I should treat Larry with more kindness than I treat everyone else and that kindness will draw him to me. I should be so kind he feels as though he does not deserve such good treatment.
Being kind takes extra effort. The extra effort is what makes the recipient feel humbled by the action and therefore loved. This type of kindness is represented by David's mighty men in 1 Chronicles 11:10-19. David had a few super heroes on his side. They were able to win battles and defeat hundreds of men. He was privileged to have them as friends. At this time David was hiding out in a cave that overlooked his beloved hometown of Bethlehem. The Philistines have captured the city. He is reminiscing about his life as a shepherd boy and how sweet the water from the well tasted after a long day with the herd. The mighty men loved David and would have done anything to make him happy. During the night his three friends snuck past enemy lines to fetch David water from that well in Bethlehem. When they offered the water to David, their kindness humbled him. He poured out the water before the Lord saying, "God forbid I should do this! Should I drink the blood of these men who went at the risk of their lives?" He knew the water they offered was too good for him. Their offering was only good enough for the Lord.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our kindness got the same reaction? What if our spouse said, "The kindness you have showed is not good enough for me, it is only good enough for the Lord. I feel loved by God because of you." What efforts can you make today to show more kindness to those around you? Do something special for the one you love every day.
Kindness goes far deeper then just being nice. Kindness is described by Richard Trench as being,"the expression of a beautiful grace." Kindness is the action of grace. Grace is something you can't earn and you don't deserve. Giving some one a gift is kind because we give it out of love, not because they deserve to receive it. Kindness isn't treating people how you want to be treated, it's treating people better than they deserve.
Kindness is attractive. We were attracted to God because of his kindness. Jeremiah 31:3 says, "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.'" We want to be in relationship with God because of his kindness. He treats us better than we deserve. The reward for our sin should be death, but instead God gives us eternal life through Jesus (Romans 6:23).
We probably worked very hard to attract our current spouse by being kind to them. When we were first dating, Larry would bring me a little gift every day. It wasn't an expensive gift. Sometimes the gift wouldn't cost him anything, but he still wanted to show me kindness and give me a treat. To me those little gifts were priceless. He still does this. He'll bring me a soda when I really need one, or a little piece of chocolate out of the candy dishes on his customer's desks. I still appreciate it and feel loved. This kindness shows me he was thinking about me through out his day.
I also showed him an extra amount of kindness when we were first dating. The first day Larry came over to a family gathering he got a terrible bloody nose. All the woman in our family rushed to take care of him. I sat by his side and cared for him until the bleeding stopped (which took a while). He knew he wanted to be a part of such a kind family. Not long after that I went to his house when he was sick to take care of him. I enjoyed nursing him back to health. What? Now I run from the room and shut the door when he's sick. I used to baby him, now I want him to man up. This is not kindness. I want to treat him with an extra level of grace, not just when he is sick, but also when he is well. I should treat Larry with more kindness than I treat everyone else and that kindness will draw him to me. I should be so kind he feels as though he does not deserve such good treatment.
Being kind takes extra effort. The extra effort is what makes the recipient feel humbled by the action and therefore loved. This type of kindness is represented by David's mighty men in 1 Chronicles 11:10-19. David had a few super heroes on his side. They were able to win battles and defeat hundreds of men. He was privileged to have them as friends. At this time David was hiding out in a cave that overlooked his beloved hometown of Bethlehem. The Philistines have captured the city. He is reminiscing about his life as a shepherd boy and how sweet the water from the well tasted after a long day with the herd. The mighty men loved David and would have done anything to make him happy. During the night his three friends snuck past enemy lines to fetch David water from that well in Bethlehem. When they offered the water to David, their kindness humbled him. He poured out the water before the Lord saying, "God forbid I should do this! Should I drink the blood of these men who went at the risk of their lives?" He knew the water they offered was too good for him. Their offering was only good enough for the Lord.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our kindness got the same reaction? What if our spouse said, "The kindness you have showed is not good enough for me, it is only good enough for the Lord. I feel loved by God because of you." What efforts can you make today to show more kindness to those around you? Do something special for the one you love every day.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Armed with Love: Patience
I have attended a lot of Bible study over the years. My group has been a constant source of encouragement. Following the discussion we go around the group and give everyone an opportunity to share a prayer request. Inevitably, in a group of mothers, someone will say, "Please pray that God will give my patience. My kids are driving me crazy this week and I don't know what to do."
Gasps will fill the air. A kind woman will say, "Honey, you do not want to pray for patience. You do not know how the Lord will teach it to you." I think this response is somewhat superstitious. God is not sitting in heaven with his flaming spears just waiting to teach us a lesson. He is not watching until we need his help to come to our aid. God teaches us with love in the same way we discipline our own children (Hebrews 12:7-11). We should not be afraid to ask him to teach us. He's the best teacher in the universe, don't you think? Certainly, if we pray for patience, we will have it. As a Domestic Warrior this is a weapon I could use!
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient." When I think of patience I think of waiting. I have to be patient when I'm waiting in line at the grocery store. I am patient while I wait for my child to stop throwing a fit. This word is not that kind of patience. This patience comes from a Greek word (makrothymeō)which is best translated long-suffering. I know what your thinking because I'm thinking the same thing. Patience is sounding less and less appealing especially since it has the words long and suffering in it. How long must I suffer anyway? To be long suffering is described in lexical aids as never losing heart. We are patient when we won't give up. When we got married we promised to be patient. We said, "For better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." We promised to suffer through all the ups and downs together until the end of our lives. This is long-suffering. I am practicing this kind of patience in my marriage just by standing strong beside my man and being committed to keep standing, no matter what may come.
Long-suffering is also described in the lexical aids "to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles." This is the kind of patience I need when I am dealing with my children. Patience helps us handle the bad habits our children develop. I want my children to stop and stop now! Habits can be hard to break and take time. I can't expect that they will stop in an instant. I am patient when I persevere with them when they are going through a difficult growth period. I can show them love when I stand by my kids even when I don't like what they are doing. I reflect God's Love to them because He is exceedingly patient with us(2 Peter 3:9).
Today as I am unrolling another sock ball before I put it in the laundry(even thought I've asked them to PLEASE turn their socks right side out when they take them off) I will remember to be patient. Learning takes time. I will not feel the slow burn of anger rise inside my chest when my dear husband does not call when he is going to be late. I will try to maintain a joyful spirit. Marriage is for a life time. After all, I am happy to be long-suffering as long as I get to suffer alongside this wonderful man. So Domestic Warriors, lets tighten our aprons and prepare ourselves for battle. I'll need patience to win it.
Gasps will fill the air. A kind woman will say, "Honey, you do not want to pray for patience. You do not know how the Lord will teach it to you." I think this response is somewhat superstitious. God is not sitting in heaven with his flaming spears just waiting to teach us a lesson. He is not watching until we need his help to come to our aid. God teaches us with love in the same way we discipline our own children (Hebrews 12:7-11). We should not be afraid to ask him to teach us. He's the best teacher in the universe, don't you think? Certainly, if we pray for patience, we will have it. As a Domestic Warrior this is a weapon I could use!
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient." When I think of patience I think of waiting. I have to be patient when I'm waiting in line at the grocery store. I am patient while I wait for my child to stop throwing a fit. This word is not that kind of patience. This patience comes from a Greek word (makrothymeō)which is best translated long-suffering. I know what your thinking because I'm thinking the same thing. Patience is sounding less and less appealing especially since it has the words long and suffering in it. How long must I suffer anyway? To be long suffering is described in lexical aids as never losing heart. We are patient when we won't give up. When we got married we promised to be patient. We said, "For better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." We promised to suffer through all the ups and downs together until the end of our lives. This is long-suffering. I am practicing this kind of patience in my marriage just by standing strong beside my man and being committed to keep standing, no matter what may come.
Long-suffering is also described in the lexical aids "to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles." This is the kind of patience I need when I am dealing with my children. Patience helps us handle the bad habits our children develop. I want my children to stop and stop now! Habits can be hard to break and take time. I can't expect that they will stop in an instant. I am patient when I persevere with them when they are going through a difficult growth period. I can show them love when I stand by my kids even when I don't like what they are doing. I reflect God's Love to them because He is exceedingly patient with us(2 Peter 3:9).
Today as I am unrolling another sock ball before I put it in the laundry(even thought I've asked them to PLEASE turn their socks right side out when they take them off) I will remember to be patient. Learning takes time. I will not feel the slow burn of anger rise inside my chest when my dear husband does not call when he is going to be late. I will try to maintain a joyful spirit. Marriage is for a life time. After all, I am happy to be long-suffering as long as I get to suffer alongside this wonderful man. So Domestic Warriors, lets tighten our aprons and prepare ourselves for battle. I'll need patience to win it.
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